sexi joke

 

1-----Tit for Tat

 Ek bar ek adami ek randikhane jata hai aur bolta hai mujhe ek AIDS
 wali randi chaaheeye.

 Dalal pareshan ho jata hai sochta hai ki yeh koi chutia hai. Salae bhosadi wale ko AIDS walee randi chaaheeye....???!!!!!  

 Woh us se bolta hai akhir AIDS wali randi kyoon chahiye,?  

 To woh admi bolta hai ki main AIDS walee randi ko chodunga to Mujhe AIDS ho jayega, phir main apni biwi ko chodu ga to use bhi AIDS ho jayega. Meri biwi ko mera chota bhai chodega, aur use bhi AIDS ho jayega, phir wo apni biwi ko chodega to uski biwi ko AIDS ho jayega, mere chote bhai ki bibi ko
 mera bap chodega aur use bhi AIDS ho jayega, phir wo meri maa ko chodega, aur meri maa ko bi AIDS ho jayega, tab padosi Ramlal ko pata
 chalega ke kisi ki maa chodne ka kya anjam hota hai...!!!!!!!!!!

2----me ek prasang ramayan ke kishkindhakand se sunata hun. jub ram chanderji mausam ka varnan karte hai sita ji saath hai aur lakshman thodi duri par chal rahe the
 bole

 ghanana ghanan ghan garzat ghora, dhoti bhitar parkat mora.
 unki ardhangini ne jawab diya
 tumse nath karun kya chori, tumse duni pharkat mori.
 ye sun wo jhadiyon me chale gaye.

 lakshman to apni patni satth laye nahin the . to unhonne ek bhil kanya ko
 pakad liya.lekin woh itni tight thi ki lakshman ji ka chil gaya.
 ab wo pareshan ki kisse kahe . akhir bhai ko batana hi pada . to wo bole ki lakshman tum bade bewakoof nikle . tumne wo suna nahin hai

 raghukul reet sada chali aai. tel na mile to thuk lagai.

3---Aik train main daaku ghuss aaye or pooree train ko loot liya.
 Beti: daddy main nay apni ring save kar li or usay apne pussy main dal
 diya.
 Daddy: Good .. Agar ye apne ammi ko bata deti to humara SuitCase bhee bach jata......

4---- Boy to Girl: sex kartey hue zyada maza larki ko aata hai ya larkay ko?
 Girl: agar tum apne kaan(ear) main ungli dalonge to kaan ko zyada maza aata hai ya unglee ko?

5----Ek baar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek randi ne mujra kiya. Woh badi hi KANTEELI NACHANIYA thi. Itni zor se naachi ke sabke tatte short ho gaye.

 Akbar bahut khush ho gaya. Usne randi ko kaha, "Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri jaan? Sona-chandi, heere-moti,jaageer…. kya chahiye, bol.Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de…...uski behen chod di jayegi."

 Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke.Par woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki aurat thi. Uske gandu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha.

 Woh Akbar se boli, "Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamati mile to kuch arz
 karoon".

 Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut senti tha. Woh bola, "Jo marzi
 maang, Jamna darling."

 Randi boli,"Jahanpanah, mujhe aapki raajgadi pe tatti karni hai."

 Ek baar to Akbar ko samajh hi nahin aaya ki kya yeh randi BAWLI GAAND to nahin ho gayi? Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta tha….promise jo kar diya tha. Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi…. woh nahin maani. Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date dedi.

 Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par bhen ki laudi maan ke nahin deti thi. Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi….usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya.

 Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein
 hai. Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa chudwaani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.

 Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka.
 Bhenchod ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi. Subah -subah randi ne darbaar mein grand entrance maara. Kehne lagi, "Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon… jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiye."

 Akbar ne phatti gaand ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal to bhen
 ka lauda hasi has raha tha. Apni seat se khada hua aur bola, "Jamnabai, tumne tatti karne ki demand ki thi….so karo. Lekin agar ek boond bhi moot nikal aaya to yeh talwaar choot mein ghusa ke gaand se nikaal doonga…."

 Randi ko samajh aa gaya ki is baar uska paala kisi andu pandu se
 nahin, Birbal se pada hai. Woh chupchaap uthi aur ghar chali gayi….

6---------Ek baar Chillghan ke mohalle mein ek aadmi aata hai. Wo uski beti ka rishta kisi se kar raha hota hai, to investigation ke liye aas paas rahne walo se ladke ke baare mein pooch taach karne aata hai. Bahut logon se ladke aur uske ghar walo ki tareef sunne ke baad, wo Chillghan se milta hai, jo apni gali ke nukkad par beedi phookte hue baitha hai. Wo Chillghan se milkar bolta hai, "mein meri beti ka rishta aapke ghar ke bagal mein rahne wale ladke se kar raha hoon, kya aap bata sakte hain ki wo kaise log hain?", to Chillghan jhat se bolta hai, "bade madarchod log hain, aap mat de apni ladki warna bechaari bahut pashtayegi.".

 Wo aadmi chaunk jaata hai, kyun ki baaki sab ne to un logon ki bahut tareef ki thi, to poochta hai, "Aisa kyun bhai? Aap ko unse kuch dushmani hai kya?", to Chillghan kahta hai, "Nahi mein to unka bahut achha padosi hoon, par wo log bahut madarchod hain, pichle hafte, hamare mohalle mein ek oont (camel) aaya tha, mere paas seedi nahi hai, unke paas hai, to mein ne unse kuch der ke liye seedi maangi, us oont ki gaand maarne ki liye, par unhon ne mujhe mana kar diya. Bahut maa ke laude log hain, kisi ki madat nahi karte."

7---------- He: Ander gaya kya ?
 She: haan! Gaya
 He: Dukha kya??
 She: Zara bhi nahi
 He: Aur ek baar
 she:Ab isme dalo
 he: Acch laga?
 She: Haan.. bahut
 He: OK....MADAM KA SANDALS PACK KARO!!!!

8--PATI : Agar tum khana banana **** lo to naukrani ka kharch bach jayega.
 PATNI : Agar tum achha chodna seekh lo to driver, mali, watchman sab ka
 kharch bach jayega.

9-------Ek bar ek shikari ek mandir main chidiya maar raha tha. one fire bang. maa ki choot nishana gaya chook. bang . maa ki choot nishana gaya chook.

 The chief pujari came and said ek to tum mandir main hatya kar rahe ho or ooper se gaaliyan de rahe ho. Ghoor paap. but shikari not gave an ear. bang. maa ki choot nishana gaya chook.

 Pujari bola ya to tum ye shikar band kar do nahi to main shraap doonga. Shikri ne nahi suna. bang. maa ki choot nishana gaya chook.

 pujari main tijhe shraap deta hoon ki tujh pe bijli gir jaye.

 tabhi lightning hoti hai or bijli pujari pe gir jati hai.

 Akash Vaani

 maa ki ***** nishana gaya chook.

--
.....................raj..........................